It’s that time again. Family time, holiday times, cheery time… People are scurrying around and purchasing gifts for their love-bugs, and no doubt there will be a proposal or seven hundred. Don’t get me wrong here folks, I’m not a Scrooge or a Grinch! I love giving and remember a time when the family would drive in from all over the states to meet, literally, at Grandma’s house. I’m thinking of ways to convince my Coach to keep the academy open Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day; I mean a class or open mat or something! I’m not alone out there, I know I’m not. There are others who live life outside their academy, but secretly think, someone who was in martial arts (preferably jiu-jitsu) would just be so, so, so damn perfect! I look around me and realize that the majority of my friends, BJJ or otherwise, are “coupled up!” I don’t even know when it happened! Probably when I was trying to explain why I had to train instead of going on that bar-hop… and proceeded continuing to train and they continued to do what people who don’t train do!
I digress! So I’m looking around and realized that it can’t possibly get any better than having a partner in crime in this sport! I mean seriously, someone who understands the talk, walks the walk, and doesn’t care that you’re two hours late because you were training because they were training as well! They understand the obsession, the stink, the need to wash and hang or only dry certain gi tops or bottoms, the frustrations of not hitting that move you’ve worked forever, the aches the pains… the BJJ POWER COUPLE, could it get any better than that? I wondered, and so I asked… and here’s what they had to say:
*Competing together is great in that there is a common goal and focus- that motivation for both people training. It’s a shared experience that helps solidify the love of the sport and your journey together.
*You and the members of your team, as disappointing as a loss can be, understand that it happens.
But I’ve never been more nervous in my life for a competition than [her] first competition. It is someone you love and want to succeed with every part of your being but you have zero control of the outcome.
*You can coach and give advice but ultimately the success or failure of the person you love is solely dependent on their preparedness and you are watching that unfold a few feet away
*I thoroughly enjoy being able to share my training with my husband. He’s competed in Jiu-Jitsu for four years before I even started. I used to get jealous all the time with how much time he would spend at the academy and that he would rather go train at night then spend the night at home with me.
*Now that he finally convinced me to “give it a try” I see what all the fuss is about and how if you love the sport you LOVE it.
*There was a lot of tension between us before I started training. I would get jealous when he’d tell me he rolled with another female student. Boy, now I know there is nothing less appealing than rolling with a big, sweaty guy.
*It took a lot for me not to feel guilty about going to class and leaving him home to deal with the kids and housework. But I finally can see it’s not a big deal and I’m much more relaxed and in a happier place mentally when I’ve gone to class so there is less stress at home.
*By keeping a schedule and talking through any changes I think we’ve worked out a good schedule so now we can both train and still have nights at home together.
*My biggest frustration is we have two different ways of approaching the sport. At this point it’s still very black and white as in “no Professor showed it to us this way” and that’s the way I’m going to do it.
*When we go to Open Mat together, I find I push myself the hardest when I roll with him because I want him to be proud of how far I’ve come.
*Training together, rolling together or even just being at competitions together has brought us closer. We speak a common language and understanding what the other person is going through in their sport, I feel, has brought us closer in our personal lives as well. The sweetest thing he ever said to me: “I get more nervous watching you compete than I do when I compete myself.”
*We both get more nervous watching each other compete than we do waiting for our own matches. I remember the first time I competed he was on edge the whole time.
*Don’t be a “hockey dad”- You got to ease up on the pressure I guess… he’ll not expect more than he does from others but has more invested, kind of, because he wants to see me do well- So he’ll push me a little harder than he would someone else
*Just because I compete like crazy, train 7 days a week, sometimes twice a day, doesn’t mean I should expect her to do the same. But is nice to be able to try & pass on my blueprint on what works for me… Or explain what I did when I was in her shoes
*He makes it clear that he’s proud of me just for putting myself out there-he’s a good motivator even if I’m not always in the mood to be motivated
*I’ve gotten better about finding the balance between motivating, pep talk, or being vicarious hockey dad with pressure
*We still make time for important things like family events and occasionally going out but we’re pretty satisfied with what we do
*I had no idea the lifestyle we were getting into but we are both happier and healthier with BJJ in our lives
*Bjj is a lifestyle, being able to share it with the person u hold most dear, is really cool. I say Berimbolo & she knows what I’m talking about
* Our favorite thing? [He] says stealing my spats; I say, having the same hobby is nice. We get have something to talk about and spend time doing and it’s such a mental sport I’m very thankful to have such a great guy help me through the internal an external battles.
* I competed, fought and trained for a while before [she] stepped onto the mats. I was teaching kids classes when she started training at home with me (I made the basement in to a grappling gym like any serious grappler would).
* It worked out perfect for us. Having 2 daughters and a wife and already having been competing for years, my focus was more on the effectiveness of jiu-jitsu as a self-defense for smaller people.
* At first, my wife was only comfortable training with me and it took time for her to build up the confidence to train at the school. Once she did, she felt better about rolling with similar sized and experienced people.
* Our love and commitment for the art has really strengthened us as a couple and family.
* What we didn’t know before being a BJJ couple is that we never expected it to become such a major part of our lives. We’ve tried to keep some balance with life in general, but it is admittedly difficult.
* We look forward to our time away from training as well. Training & teaching, on top of working and being parents is exhausting to say the least.
* We honestly don’t deal with many people outside the BJJ community on a social level. There’s no time! Unless you’ve stepped on the mats it’s impossible to understand what we do… if I had a nickel for every time someone said they “know someone who does karate,” after us saying we train jiu-jitsu, we’d be a wealthy family!
So there you have it. That popular moniker “the couple that ______ together stays together” doesn’t fall far from the truth. Does everyone have to train together in order to have a healthy and happy relationship? No, I’m sure that’s not the case! But in speaking to the couples & families I did, I found it was more than just jiu-jitsu knowledge being strengthened here. The time spent on the mats, as opposed to apart, forged bonds that are stronger, provided common ground, and allowed these couples to show each other, & their families that winning isn’t everything. Triumph isn’t first place, it’s in perseverance, support, and the love you show by being there in ways other people might not fully understand. Your other half doesn’t necessarily need to be a jiu-jitsu fiend, but it sure would be nice.
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