Chael Sonnen has a list of demands for his new UFC contract

Photo via UFC

Oh, Chael Sonnen. You continue have a way with words.

The UFC middleweight (or light heavyweight … we’re just not sure anymore) said during a Q&A at the recent UFC Fan Expo that his contract with the organization has expired.

We know what you’re saying: “Yay! No more Chael!” But don’t get ahead of yourself, readers. Sonnen has a list of demands for a new UFC contract. And here they are (takes deep breath).

1. Jello Biafra replaces Bruce Buffer as ring announcer.
2. Every fight he’s in must be a No. 1 contender fight or a title match.
3. If he loses, he gets an immediate rematch until he wins.
4. No media can look him in the eye, or they will be removed from the room.
5. He requires a headset legalized through the commission so he can call his own fights.
6. No longer will he walk to the ring. He needs to be carried.
7. Keys to Dana White’s least favorite Ferrari (he added that he wasn’t asking too much with that one).
8. He can Skype or FaceTime his fights if he feels like flying.
9. And last but not least (nor negotiable), Dana White must tell GSP to stop being such a d*ck. Sonnen will return his truck when he’s done with it.

The list of demands drew a laugh from the crowd in Las Vegas, but Sonnen was adamant that he was serious. Sure, Chael. Keep saying that and maybe someone, someday, will believe you.